Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
pray to the hookup gods
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
