And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
