these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
