At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
