You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
