How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I am midnight drunk by noon
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
