Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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