Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
