you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
