Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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