I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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