Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
