i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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