the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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