idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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