i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
