I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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