How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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