Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
