Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
