I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
