My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
