Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
