if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
