Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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