You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
