they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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