Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
