So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
