I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
