i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize