Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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