My Higher Power is John Stamos
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
