How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
