Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize