he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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