apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
