dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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