some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
