then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
