She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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