i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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