I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
