Dignity is for republicans.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize