I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
