i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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