butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
