I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
