Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
