So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
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