sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
