just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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