There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
