Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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