So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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