If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
