make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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