Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
