fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
