HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize