i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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