You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
