I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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