I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
