My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
