I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was born a porn star she said
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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