is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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