got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
