Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
