Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
