so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
