The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
