She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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