So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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