i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize