I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
