When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
