isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We need to get me chipped asap
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
