dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
