My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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