Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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