Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
