That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
