Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
