If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
