GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
